Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-18-19

  • Published: 19 July 2019
  • Bill rambles heat waves, conference calls, and the prison system.

    Full Episodes of the Monday Morning Podcast:
    Full Episodes of the Thursday Afternoon Podcast:
    Full Episodes of the MMP One-Shots:

    Here’s the website!

    I was born a freckled child in a land far away during a much simpler time. I did well in school until it counted. As a freshman in high school I had dreams of going to Notre Dame and becoming a lawyer. By the time I was sophomore I was taking shop class and was considering getting into construction. I ended up working in warehousing and unloading trucks. Other than stand up, that job was the most fun I ever had.

    I am now a stand up comedian. I do a couple hundred shows a year. And I enjoy the travel. I’ve done four hour-long stand-up specials: “Why Do I Do This”, “Let It Go”, “You People Are All The Same” and “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way.” I host a podcast each week called The Monday Morning Podcast. And I have an animated series on Netflix called: ‘F’ Is For Family.’ Occasionally I act in movies but only when they let me.
  • Fun Fun

Comments • 502

  • DrArmSleeves
    DrArmSleeves  2 weeks back

    Big Gay NBA Summer @ 14:20

    • Jeff Baker
      Jeff Baker  3 weeks back

      A dude writing in to a comedian's podcast to get pointers on how to pick up a "hot chick" with huge fake boobs. (Double handed jerking off, lol.)

      Then comes useless advice and commentary regarding a long, drawn out scenario that will most certainly amount to nothing.

      • Eric Lock
        Eric Lock  1 months back

        Matadors.....wth? Lmao!

        • Fernando Baez
          Fernando Baez  1 months back

          Then I'll get a salad like a ᶠᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵃᵍ

          • bettybundgaard
            bettybundgaard  1 months back

            Looking foreward to the Gervais podcast

            • Phelan05 Manley
              Phelan05 Manley  1 months back

              Did he say 2011?

              • ROBERT BLAKE
                ROBERT BLAKE  1 months back

                Listen here Billy blue balls. Some of us are on our feet for 9 or 10 hours a day building additions, kitchen and bath remodels etc. sitting down to piss is a very small break to get off your feet. My feet are killing me by the end of the day and I for one relish the break.
                Piss on all of you who think it’s weird , what I do with my bathroom break is my business.

                • Jeremy Swann
                  Jeremy Swann  2 months back

                  She can't find wood of her own, poor gold diggin laaaayddeeeee

                  • David Rangel
                    David Rangel  2 months back

                    18:25 - Velocity. The impact of air being pushed at such a speed over a short amount of time creates a force that it will feel like you've been hit by a solid. And yes, haha, said impact can smash your organs. Similar principles apply in tai chi and kung fu too. None of it is magic, it's straight up physics.

                    • nick arndt
                      nick arndt  2 months back

                      What song does he play at the intermission?

                      • hubert sdgherdsh
                        hubert sdgherdsh  2 months back

                        hey bill since your a red head do you have red pubes

                        • hubert sdgherdsh
                          hubert sdgherdsh  2 months back

                          what is bill talking about when hes saying japan won finals it was a great game and all that. i guess not the womens world cup?

                          • Nater K
                            Nater K  2 months back

                            Supposedly, it's actually far healthier for a man to pee sitting down.

                            • DuhSmoothKing
                              DuhSmoothKing  2 months back

                              I swear to fucking God the day my non existent girlfriend complained about something as trivial as puting the toilet seat up or down is the day bitches die. Talk about first world problems Jesus fucking Christ

                              • Jeff Baker
                                Jeff Baker  3 weeks back

                                Holy shit calm down, you're gonna blow up.

                            • Allan R
                              Allan R  2 months back

                              lmao @ freckle balls

                              • Greg Baker
                                Greg Baker  2 months back

                                Bill you asked what happened to men since the 80s?

                                Women and the feminist movement. That's what, they treat any man who fails to make all the check boxes on their requirement list, as NOTHING!

                                I tell ya after 20 years of being ignored by said materialist whores.... something changes in a man. We honour values and respect. Something women in general seem to have forgotten. Its easy to forget what being a good human being is when you get all doors opened, approached everyday with offers and every guy smiles at them.

                                • CB
                                  CB  2 months back

                                  I work at a hospital. Dude has some legit point about nurses, many of whom are fat as a house and spend the majority of their shift getting paid for sitting on their ass with an unearned sense of entitlement. Nurses do not work hard.

                                  • Rudyard Kipling
                                    Rudyard Kipling  2 months back

                                    :) I am from KY I knew Ali used to Jog with him he was a good dude, I am a redhead and crushed my skull in a car wreck without getting knocked out, I woke up in the middle of facial reconstructive surgery. University of Louisville Hospital is actually the best Trauma unit in the world ;)

                                    • Ramon Mercado
                                      Ramon Mercado  2 months back

                                      Bruh I know quip was like do we still have to pay this soulless bastard

                                      • George V
                                        George V  2 months back

                                        Hey Bill, I think that caller at 1:18:00 about the toilet seat is the wife of the guy who previously called in to complain about her, right? So they both asked you a question about each other?

                                        • Matthew Alan Playne
                                          Matthew Alan Playne  2 months back

                                          Anyone know what channel he referenced @ 1:40?

                                          • Teng Thor
                                            Teng Thor  2 months back

                                            Someone should put his comments on the NBA over some First Take footage. Lmfao

                                            • Lol im not giving you my real name

                                              "This summer bill burr is hiding out"

                                              • Alex Sandoval
                                                Alex Sandoval  2 months back

                                                Waaaay too many f-bombs. Think dad was right... excessive swearing is someone with nothing to say but desperately wanting to be heard. In all fairness he may have had some legitimate points but they are lost on me when you are that reckless with the swearing.

                                                • Ken Marchlenski
                                                  Ken Marchlenski  2 months back

                                                  Bill, I'm your much older (70) Twin brother.
                                                  I'm a Christian Scholar and author and I can't spell for sh-t!
                                                  I was a daydreamer (aka: A.D.D.) in Grade School (Catholic with Nuns) and nerve understood nor cared for spelling. 
                                                  English grammar: I tried but in the back of my young head, I thought, WHEN am I ever going to Diagram a sentence in Real Life!
                                                  Yet, I wrote a book as a legacy for my kids and grandkids. Spellcheck is our salvation. Just use it and slow down a bit and LOOK Again at the Words you have problems remembering how to spell.
                                                  Eventually, you'll see a little progress. After that, remember Spellcheck is the A.D.D.'s greatest secrete friend!

                                                  Comics like you are extremely bright and intelligent. What makes you funny is that you see behind the BS/Facade (needed sp ck here!) and although you must FIGHT through P.C. each time, your Truth cannot be argued with. Also, you make yourself vulnerable (sp. ck. used here again) and that puts you in a rare and pleasant category for an "Angry Comic"!

                                                  I'm a new fan. I've watched you grow (and you know what I mean because we are simpatico) and you're on the Right Track as far as I can tell!
                                                  If for some crazy reason you see this and somehow like this, I'm on Face Book and I've chosen to pretty much show my Life to the World.

                                                  • AweSomo84
                                                    AweSomo84  2 months back

                                                    Love your content and point of view

                                                    • Dotty Diggler
                                                      Dotty Diggler  2 months back

                                                      old school homeless

                                                      • Luka Radojevic
                                                        Luka Radojevic  2 months back

                                                        I would love to hear Bill coment on new James Bond movie

                                                      • Sara Marsh
                                                        Sara Marsh  2 months back

                                                        Bill you’re slipping, I need your morning rambles to listen to while I make breakfast 🥞

                                                        • TKZMAX
                                                          TKZMAX  2 months back

                                                          Whens the new special comming out?

                                                          • Eli Michael
                                                            Eli Michael  2 months back

                                                            Lol "What is this? The every joke is funny Monday morning Podcast?"

                                                            • Norman Bates
                                                              Norman Bates  2 months back

                                                              2:22 "Now you'd think he'd wanna do the naked guy first" best Bill Burr quote ever

                                                              • grizzlehatchet1
                                                                grizzlehatchet1  2 months back

                                                                18:00 what show is he talking about? Who murdered who?

                                                                • Ari Adu
                                                                  Ari Adu  2 months back

                                                                  I love his faggy voice

                                                                  • mrg00ddude
                                                                    mrg00ddude  2 months back

                                                                    Can’t find the Instagram from the begging

                                                                    • Rockhopper1163
                                                                      Rockhopper1163  2 months back

                                                                      An alternative for the toilet issue - If the toilet is fitted with one, put the lid down. That way females will need to lift the lid to sit on the seat and thus give them an idea what we lads go through when living with a missus and 3 x daughters. So everyone gets to lift the lid and/or seat.....

                                                                      Go f*ck yourselves!!!

                                                                      • Not Just JET
                                                                        Not Just JET  2 months back

                                                                        Prison is a completely backwards institution. "Hey, let's put all the criminals, together with the other criminals in one big box, and tease, poke and fuck witht them daily, that'll sure turn'em around".
                                                                        Prison should not be "the punishment". Prison should only be for petty crimes. Murder, rape, kidnapping etc should each have a punishment so terrible, so bloody brutal, no one would ever dare break the law. The law is their for you to NOT BREAK IT. If you can break the law, and just "make up for it" in prison. What the fuck is the point? It's useless. Completely useless.

                                                                        • someone
                                                                          someone  2 months back

                                                                          Wow he did Ricky's podcast? I thought he hated him and his English teeth hahahaha

                                                                          • Jack Source
                                                                            Jack Source  2 months back

                                                                            Does anyone else think when watching comedy of any kind "Man this dam is hilarious" then you realise you haven't actually laughed out loud the whole time and when you really do that's when you know you've discovered gold.

                                                                            • Tim Lane
                                                                              Tim Lane  2 months back

                                                                              Bill, did you see the replay if the 2011 World Cup or is this some esoteric joke?. We won this year. Asshole

                                                                              • Calvin Rivera
                                                                                Calvin Rivera  2 months back

                                                                                This mmpc classic after the end of this one, gees bill was Savage back then. What happened?

                                                                                • Mitchgill12
                                                                                  Mitchgill12  2 months back

                                                                                  Anyone else calculate what a 35 degree angled big tit slap would look like.

                                                                                  • Gluteus Maksymus
                                                                                    Gluteus Maksymus  2 months back

                                                                                    1:38:19 billy big butt farted ova here

                                                                                    • Ryan Kirk
                                                                                      Ryan Kirk  2 months back

                                                                                      California heat wave cooking mussels in their shells. 👍

                                                                                      • Ryan Kirk
                                                                                        Ryan Kirk  2 months back

                                                                                        Preach it Ginger Snap!! OKC is now in the OHH JESUS category. NBAdasians summer tour! Coming to a city near you ladies & Jerks!

                                                                                        So n so is Russell Westbrook 😆

                                                                                        • Umar twr
                                                                                          Umar twr  2 months back

                                                                                          Bill did the Ricky Gervais podcast? Wonder if they brought up the time when Bill trashed the guy.

                                                                                          • Reese Gonzales
                                                                                            Reese Gonzales  2 months back

                                                                                            Bill you cunt it’s not the Monday night podcast, where the fuck are ya

                                                                                            • Jared Weinberger
                                                                                              Jared Weinberger  2 months back

                                                                                              Wtf is Monday podcast? Starting to slip Billy ballless