Monday Morning Podcast 5-13-19

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  • Published: 13 May 2019
  • Bill rambles about drugstores, dirty birds, and perverts in the park.

    Full Episodes of the Monday Morning Podcast: bit.ly/2nAzwGV
    Full Episodes of the Thursday Afternoon Podcast: bit.ly/2mTA6Cy
    Full Episodes of the MMP One-Shots: bit.ly/2oNClY2

    Here’s the website! billburr.com

    I was born a freckled child in a land far away during a much simpler time. I did well in school until it counted. As a freshman in high school I had dreams of going to Notre Dame and becoming a lawyer. By the time I was sophomore I was taking shop class and was considering getting into construction. I ended up working in warehousing and unloading trucks. Other than stand up, that job was the most fun I ever had.

    I am now a stand up comedian. I do a couple hundred shows a year. And I enjoy the travel. I’ve done four hour-long stand-up specials: “Why Do I Do This”, “Let It Go”, “You People Are All The Same” and “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way.” I host a podcast each week called The Monday Morning Podcast. And I have an animated series on Netflix called: ‘F’ Is For Family.’ Occasionally I act in movies but only when they let me.
  • Fun Fun

Comments • 525

  • furrnandough
    furrnandough  2 weeks back

    9:50

    • Diesel Diesel
      Diesel Diesel  2 weeks back

      MOTO GP over RALLY?! AHRIGHT BILLY BALL BUSTER, I DIDN'T THINK WE'D REACH THIS POINT. OUR PARTNERSHIP IS DONE.

    • EasternBlocRobotCowboy
      EasternBlocRobotCowboy  3 weeks back

      red leg redemption 2: Electric Boogaloo

      • Just A Jar Of Pickles
        Just A Jar Of Pickles  2 months back

        i miss swings with 10 foot chains.... wood chips below that stick into your skin when you hit the ground.. good ol days.

        • Michael Lujan
          Michael Lujan  2 months back

          I'm going to start a band I'ma call it shave my pubes.

          • Sasha Rosic
            Sasha Rosic  3 months back

            Oh Jeeezus just fucken hit play ya cocksucker!

            • Matthew Snyder
              Matthew Snyder  3 months back

              Bill should get together with Charles Barkley and see who can pronounce *Kawhi* first 😂😂😂

              • rick worley
                rick worley  4 months back

                10 seconds in he has a go at white people........nia's voice puppet

                • Lag23
                  Lag23  4 months back

                  double Ls in spanish often are pronounced as a y or j, depending on what country you're in

                  • Justin Spirito
                    Justin Spirito  4 months back

                    “Hold on cuz I don’t wanna fuck up his name.... Kawi, Kawi Leonard”

                    • Jason G
                      Jason G  4 months back

                      Beasty Boy?? It ain't Beasty Boy. It's Beasty Boys! WTF? Even the Beasty Boys have fallen under the Mendela Effect now?!

                      • AnnoyingAnimator
                        AnnoyingAnimator  4 months back

                        Billy goes on the beach with the suit
                        like in the good days

                        • rootsofold
                          rootsofold  4 months back

                          10:14 This is why I love Bill. He manages to see a parrallel between something so cute and adorable as birds mating and something so horrible like the Jersey shore. And not only that; he manages to make it fucking hilarious while delivering it to our ears.

                          • Talko Taco
                            Talko Taco  4 months back

                            Tuesday morning belongs to Talko Taco

                            • G G
                              G G  4 months back

                              You got bit by suh-rye-uh-sis

                              • Zak Pine
                                Zak Pine  4 months back

                                bird commentary is 1000% spot on!
                                So funny Billy "Miss You Much" Burr! Crusher!!

                                • Aaron Jaggard
                                  Aaron Jaggard  4 months back

                                  How has nobody mentioned the new me undies jingle?

                                  • Ryan Horde
                                    Ryan Horde  4 months back

                                    Marriage and spawn has neutered this once great comedian.

                                    • Drew Hansen
                                      Drew Hansen  4 months back

                                      Hey, I you want good raceing. Look up banger raceing. And Barbie Jeep raceing. They are hilariously entertaining and action packed

                                      • Klipt Poynt
                                        Klipt Poynt  4 months back

                                        Ugh nia is the worst....what color roses did you end up getting, purple? Gold?

                                        • CoolVIguy
                                          CoolVIguy  4 months back

                                          Rick Beato sent me.

                                          • mark1952able
                                            mark1952able  4 months back

                                            Play Drums for us Bill......

                                            • Gerald McCarney
                                              Gerald McCarney  4 months back

                                              If only there were more commercials in the podcast! Then it would really be perfect!

                                              • Yellow/Blue _Austrian Watchman

                                                A pack of spiders 😂😂😂 like there wolves 😂 dead

                                                • Martin Pruett
                                                  Martin Pruett  4 months back

                                                  Spiders don't attack in armies, you have bed bugs I bet.

                                                  • Touchy
                                                    Touchy  4 months back

                                                    God I hope bill gets some of that ad money. Every fuckin 5 minutes.
                                                    Ol Billy butter balls better be getting paid.

                                                    • Rolfo
                                                      Rolfo  4 months back

                                                      Damn the comment section is full of neckbeard incels

                                                      • noah moan
                                                        noah moan  4 months back

                                                        You’re a legend and a lot of the way you set up jokes and stuff in you’re specials help me with how to write my own jokes

                                                        • Mr.SmithGNR Smith
                                                          Mr.SmithGNR Smith  4 months back

                                                          We need east coast Billy back...

                                                          • NOBULL ziggster
                                                            NOBULL ziggster  4 months back

                                                            Wasssup, they say.. Ugh commercials. Damm man...not liking that Billy Boy…..

                                                            • Assnapkin Ed
                                                              Assnapkin Ed  4 months back

                                                              Does he every speak about the Premier League being finished?

                                                              • ANdr3w C0rLeu
                                                                ANdr3w C0rLeu  4 months back

                                                                You can put Umami on anything and it will taste better, in turn this will make crappy vegetarian burgers taste like mediocre burgers, it's kind of like eating food from prison and then getting out of prison and immediately going to like the 7-Eleven and grab and grabbing two weeks over expired sushi, of course it's going to taste amazing

                                                                • Dalton Michaels
                                                                  Dalton Michaels  4 months back

                                                                  Trail braking when referring to street bike racing is referring to dragging the brakes while so far into the turn the bike is already leaned over. it takes a ton of skill to do this , as you can imagine the bikes while turning are already pushing the limits of traction on the tires.. now add on the forces that come with applying the brakes which further increases the load on the front tire and the forces trying to push the front end out from under the rider.. i believe this is a regularly practiced technique in street bike racing and decreases you lap times by extending the amount of time you can spend on a straightaway accelerating before hitting the brakes. but it still comes with its risks as seen. you don't see it causing crashes to guys in the front of the pack very often but i bet it will happen a few times each season to lead riders casung big upsets in the points race.

                                                                  • Dalton Michaels
                                                                    Dalton Michaels  4 months back

                                                                    you can see the effect especially late into the races. the crashes become more common when the track temps are higher and on tracks with very long straight sections followed by a very sharp turn. add all those factors together and those are the exact conditions of the track and turn when marquez went down.

                                                                • rifter rifter
                                                                  rifter rifter  4 months back

                                                                  Bill teaching his daughter how to deal with selfish assholes sounds like something that should be recorded as a public service.

                                                                  • Gtrfan
                                                                    Gtrfan  4 months back

                                                                    It's about time Bill Burr realized how boring F1 is.

                                                                    • daleva187goligo
                                                                      daleva187goligo  4 months back

                                                                      sharks are gonna tear the bruins to pieces "in the finals over there (archie bunker voice)" ... it's our year, sorry billy boy, ol' freckle nuts, maybe next year

                                                                      • Rusty Shackleford
                                                                        Rusty Shackleford  4 months back

                                                                        What kind of soy boy pussy gets beaten up by a woman. I don't care how much training a woman has, you cannot account for weight advantage, height advantage, reach advantage, and overall muscle and strength. Training can only do so much. I have had zero training but I have no doubt I could whip the shit out of some 5ft 2in 115 lbs woman regardless of how much training she has.

                                                                        • Heather Clear
                                                                          Heather Clear  4 months back

                                                                          Can one use the manscape lawnmower on their clam? Asking for myself

                                                                          • Carmen Hanrahan
                                                                            Carmen Hanrahan  4 months back

                                                                            Unless you have a marvelous bush, not really babe. 💕

                                                                        • Wild Card J
                                                                          Wild Card J  4 months back

                                                                          Good to know what's on your mind Burr. And my balls wont be nicked. Yo.

                                                                          • Michael Keeble
                                                                            Michael Keeble  4 months back

                                                                            I read the 5-13-19 and thought darn hes drunk or something. Then I remembered that they write the date different on the other side of the Waterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

                                                                            • Adeniyi Togun
                                                                              Adeniyi Togun  4 months back

                                                                              Hey bill, do an episode on soccer!! Would like to hear your hilarious take and spins on the sport.

                                                                              • Einzelgänger 666
                                                                                Einzelgänger 666  4 months back

                                                                                bill. josé is pronounced josé, not josé!

                                                                                • abdul azeez zain
                                                                                  abdul azeez zain  4 months back

                                                                                  Bill , the Champions League final is in Madrid not in Liverpool ,

                                                                                  • Boom Do
                                                                                    Boom Do  4 months back

                                                                                    Mallorca, awesome little island.

                                                                                    • TommyTom
                                                                                      TommyTom  4 months back

                                                                                      Did bill really just blurt out red dead redemption just to try fool the algorithm?

                                                                                      • Fuelled by Hate
                                                                                        Fuelled by Hate  4 months back

                                                                                        Ol' Billy Banana squeezer.

                                                                                        • Goodeus Maximus
                                                                                          Goodeus Maximus  4 months back

                                                                                          If you love someone, don’t Marry them. Don’t live together, don’t combine finances. Fastest way to ruin a good relationship

                                                                                          • Stan Mann
                                                                                            Stan Mann  4 months back

                                                                                            Bill Burr would erect statues of Michael Jackson and Adolf Hitler in his front yard. He loves the music and pagentry of their history. Why dig up the dead. Let sleeping dogs lie as your boy scout kid gets raped by a priest.

                                                                                            • Stan Mann
                                                                                              Stan Mann  4 months back

                                                                                              And that cartoon show on Netflix sucks. Almost unwatchable